Reddit indian parents marriage They were scared if there could be friction between us throughout the marriage because it So yeah, one should stand up to their parents in matters of their own life, and there should be a strong opinion/preference you shoud have that your parents can't drive you away from. popular-all-users | These stories of people who struggled to convince their families about marrying for love, is proof. If girl agrees with everything and is all nice to you all the time before actual marriage, be very careful. The Reddit community for everything India - from current affairs, politics, geopolitics, culture, history, heritage, images, videos The biggest problem with Indian parents is that they are not able to adapt their mind with the dynamically changing world. Most 50s-70s born parents had very authoritative, semi-fuedal upbringing because of the times and politics of their own parents. So they just pussy out and go arranged marriage that parents have picked. Anytime you want to do something that is unique, custom, etc. Your life your situation is different. Everyone. Two independent consenting adults are trying to get married. Dowry - This is where India is different from the rest of the world. Even in India - you see a show like Indian Matchmaking and yeah that's common too, but I think things are steadily changing overall. Social status. As a person who is in loved marriage believe me arrange marriages are better if done right. My parents have known this fact for quite a while, since the time I started studying at a university. And in fact his parents only got married 2-3years ago (having been together 30+ years). 5 years. I (22m) still reside in India, but plan on leaving for a european country in about 2 years. "Its just not possible in our community without it" :) LOL. Hanging out or marrying the “wrong” person, or pregnancy at the wrong time ruins these plans for success. Karte kyu hain log arranged marriage? Itna dimaag nahi hai ki arranged marriage ka banda bas bolne ko ladki ki pasand hota hai. You can only find out after you get married. Indian parents . So just agree with what they say and then when you meet the girl or even talk to her on text/call initially, find a way to gently but honestly put everything in front of her. Beware of control freak parents especially in matters of money and status. Met another guy through parents. Why live a miserable life When you get older, most parents will still prefer Arranged Marriage because of point 1 and will discourage relationships due to point 2. It is a hard mindset to break. Meaning that your life is not your own but theirs. Signed the papers a year ahead of the wedding. If any parent was born in Post-1947 Pakistan, then 99. Accept/Reject choice should not be given to parents as they are already married and ITS NOT THEIR MARRIAGE. The clutter in my mind: I worry that the formative years post our wedding when we should be thinking of planning and saving for our children and future we will be spending establishing my Like jesus christ. On the contrary. This is what I don't get. Let's get that out of the way first. I’m not worried about meeting her family but my parents are Indian immigrants who have some pretty backwards views on interracial relationships. Boggles my mind that there are 30+ yo dudes who still can't wash their chaddis and make any food (notwithstanding what job they have). Arranged marriage to same caste me kutta bhi kar lega India me. Indian parents are obsessed with getting their kid's married because of 3 main reasons: To fulfil their responsibility - In India it is still considered as one of the responsibilities of parents to Imagine for a moment, Indian parents picked a guy for their girl, they spent a month getting to know each other, and they both claimed they fell in love. So I (29 M) got recently married. b. Now they wanted to do an official wedding. What that girl needs is to gather support in her family. The show doesn't represent typical Indian arranged marriage. My (Indian 28F) parents have been tried to get me married off for a while now. Within a month everyone from his side came around. I posted 1 Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. Unfortunately, lots of Indian women and men for that matter are not that lucky. But most do. Because they dont understand the role of a parent. For first night after marriage - Not my advice, I read it earlier on Reddit on a simolar question: Arranged marriages in India are such a long and tedious affair, by the end of it you just want to lie down and sleep. ). when my cousin got pregnant he sent her to her parents house saying he cannot afford the medical costs of a pregnant woman. And how to get them to shut up about it. My personal suggestion get married early and enjoy life. Leave them NC once you move out. Well, because you are expected to complete the circle of life and family is given much importance in India. In most marriages, men are paid a huge dowry to marry a In arranged marriage, sex needs to be discussed extensively no matter how awkward the topic might be. It's not like it's a love marriage that they can't let them go and find another. One month after marriage she wore a dress to go to a friend's birthday and my dad got very angry. So if you are still being convinced to have an arranged marriage even when you are grown-ass This make perfect sense. Parents are supposed to teach their children about the world, prepare them for life so they can stand strong no matter what life throws at them, make their own decisions, know how to handle themselves, know how to read people, know what kind of people they should associate with. So if you are still being convinced to have an arranged marriage even when you are grown-ass person imagine how controlling these parents will be when you are a teenager. Your parents can't possibly control every conversation you have. Every time parents tell their kids "We are doing it for your sake" they're lying like 99% of the time. Or check it out in the app stores I knew a woman working for a Delhi based NGO who crusaded against dowry but when the time for her own wedding came, her parents gave a nice, fat dowry. If only Indian parents stopped believing that marriage will solve all problems. Taking stand against parents for wife for the first time can be difficult. Many Indian parents develop excessively dependent unhealthy relationship with their children and expect to cut it off completely post marriage of its a girl. So it's normal when they don't have a normal view of healthy marriage, they make kids their lifetime purpose or project as both parents have to come together on this topic and they feel this is marriage and 12 Indians Reveal How They Convinced Their Parents For Love Marriages. Etc. Typical Indian setup where parents are completely responsible for funding the education of the kids, even paying pocket money well into the 20s, finding a suitable parents for their kids, buying them their first car, bike etc etc Even kids find this setup Indian parents don't accept their kid is a human in their own right. A marriage being arranged and them starting a nuclear family unit was a significant part of their lives. Parents flew in from India, hers from the US, she from Australia. Or check it out in the app stores I moved to Canada before the wedding. When I told my parents I was moving 28 votes, 28 comments. 3 years ago, I got married and my parents have been irritating me about a kid since the past 1. A 33 year-old Indian here, and I totally understand your situation, as I also have a similar set of parents. Married in AM. Then I made them to convince her parents. Anyways marriage happened , outsiders will not know what went Etc. I think many desis and their parents have realized this and have really scaled back the pressure - obviously not all, but I know parents who are otherwise traditional who don't rib their kids about marriage anymore. I'm not in touch with most of my family. Just give your partner reasonable space and you will be fine. My parents (especially my father) thought they owned their children's lives forever. But my uncle( dad's younger brother) and his wife don't fight. Marriage is equal if not higher level of parenting achievement as degree and career together I think it is mostly the overcaring and conservative mindset of Indian parents. Most marriages in parents generation had absolutely no love. I tried to find an Indian guy, but nothing worked out. Just be annoying and tell her how you feel. I was never keen on that way of life & so had to fight tooth and nail with them to not do CA. It's much more about compatibility. Her family flew down to India for the wedding. e. You know the usual rat race, my son is better than your son, his grades are better, he is a doctor, i got my daughter married, what's the issue with your daughter why haven't you gotten her married yet, like everything is a fucking competition. I was born in India, spent 7 years (from when i was 3 months old to Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. 1 is active and the other account with the same name and background which was last active 7/8 years ago. In your parents' culture just like in mine, you have to obey your parents, I know it. As they are extremely full of life and are not done with life yet . My prediction is that I will be "forcibly" (by that I mean, under the threat of emotional blackmail) married off to some poor girl, and my parents will spend the rest of their lives bitching about what a horrible DIL she is. I have friends on both sides. As a fellow Indian, I understand that our culture commands that children are supposed to respect their parents just because they have given birth to us, but I wanna say to you that their responsibilities don't end at that. They did manipulate the wedding expenses and ceremonies a lot (inter-caste) and my parents did things in good faith. Indian parents think that their kids are stupid/less experienced and don My parents had an arranged marriage and are the happiest and most loving couple i’ve ever seen (they’re still in love and live like those fairytale stories you see in movies 25+ years later!) I’ve also seen arranged marriages where they were horribly incompatible and only staying together because of their families/societies shunning the Of course many parents r terrified of you dating and don’t really think about unwanted pregnancy Then there is the checklist of successful parents. Wahi banda arrange marriage ke bahar ek ladki nahi pata pata zindagi me. My mom wanted me to have a love marriage, unlike her, but was so averse to the thought of me dating. Indian middle class parents live for the world, not for the family. 5 years post marriage she divorced him, without her parents support. If HE (not his parents) does want to marry me without even meeting me, it's because 1) I have US citizenship and he gets a green card or 2) literally for my looks, I'm not the prettiest girl by any means, but I'm not ugly. So, now they are worried about karma bouncing back on them. But man up. If you are planning a ton of events, an Indian planner may be better prepared and staffed to handle all the events and timelines, etc. (30F) have been hearing about marriage since I turned 21. The first time it was over in 3/4 minutes. All in all I have decided to never attend an Indian wedding again. Married for 6 years and didn't realize how fast time flew by. Don't let your parents marry you with someone else. Choose his/her partner. My 2 cents: Indian parents will often (a) make huge, guilt-tripping threats they’ll never follow through on, and (b) blame you for it. Both married other people - his wife died young (3 years post marriage) and her husband and his family were abusive. He died from side Hey OP, I'm a different white American woman, also dating an Indian man with conservative Hindu parents. We are closer to the uncle's family so we even joke about 'my parents fighting' that lets gift them a punching bag Vet the parents. It's a competition to show that their children graduated best in their class, went to a top college, and got a six-figure job. I am an atheist and I vehemently opposed to even the idea of this. Well, the US wedding was mostly a Western/Jewish wedding with some Indian elements. The majority of people are still afraid to fall in love because they have to tell about it to parents. It is not about how good the parents or the wife is, but about the fact that when you put two people from different backgrounds together there will be friction. All these people in context are not even above 28. Don't let your family send you back to India. It definitely varies. He needs to understand that you have responsibilities towards your mother that you intend to fulfill. But well they're just weird Parents do their best but most Indian parents had a minimum of 5 siblings and they were neglected, or brought up in an insensitive environment - think of it like a boot camp. Several rich millennials I know are still dependent on their parents and don’t work full-time - both men and women. For example, my parents argue a lot. Unfortunately, Indian parents live in a society where "log kya kahenge" is a big deal. Also in India, you are not just marrying the guy/girl but marrying the entire family and their baggage. Tinder pe match nahi aate. Get the Reddit app Scan this QR code to download the app now. Trust your instincts about your decision and do it, they will come around. Things became little messy when my family pushed to do marriage in our style and my father in law made us do some ritual before marriage at their place. We are enough for our own and have our interests to pursue . Your parents need to understand that it is their loss. Make your parents believed that you have deep intimate relation with your bf/gf by exposing some xxx conversation with him/her via sms/email to your parents , of course by mistake ) and when your parents asks jusr say "Yes It Same story at my house too. In MAFS, only one of the couples consummated the marriage on the wedding night. You probably know your parents best. Dara nai raha. 🤮 Most parents compensate for this by trying impose their way of life on the kids as much as possible. Something which has been bothering me is ( only daughter parents after marriage. TIFU By telling my parents I was gay to avoid their arranged marriage proposals. why care about what she Well, 80% of the Indian parents, wanted kids only to take part in the rat race. Arranged marriage comes with warranty and guarantees from parents, relatives etc. Pray that my parents agree with my choice to remain single and chill. Try and date the person your parents choose before marriage. I am never getting married and I’m childfree, however, I can’t tell my parents any of this because they would beat me like an enemy with solid objects and proceed to emotionally blackmail me until I give in. They met in Harvard , parents didn't agree ,so, did court marriage. Okay, so, I know that the terms "Helicopter Parent" and "Uninvolved Parents" are polar opposites but if you're an Indian girl like me (or even a boy or non-binary kid, for that matter), please tell me whether you have noticed this slightly disturbing pattern among Indian parents and parental figures or not (Also, if you're a non-Indian Desi person or from another culture altogether, In all likelihood they lost their Indian citizenship unless they made explicit steps to be Indian and not Bangladeshi/Pakistani (like applying and maintaining Indian passports despite being eligible for Pakistani/Bangladeshi ones). I just assured her that whatever she will decide I will stand with her. Your own parents telling you to go through an abusive relationship is next level low. People who have loved someone outside their caste and managed to convince their parents share how My parents (interracial marriage) have been married for over 30 years and all the grandparents are still alive except one grandfather who passed away a few years ago. I'm a 22 (just turned) year old girl in the US still in college in a relationship with the same guy since middle school. I'm also an Indian American male around 26 years of age I'd also like to clear up some misconceptions around arranged marriage. The concern for safely could be an issue but I don't know. Discussion FYI: this is long I ended up here just by searching Indian Parents over reddit lol. My cousin was on same boat. We have let the wedding industry drive our weddings to an extent that splurging on stupid things (wedding hashtag! wedding interview!) has become part of our customs. Thankfully due to his medical history there was sufficient evidence to make the divorce a quick and easy one. His parents are not automatically more important than your parents. basically he sort of abandoned her, hardly visited her during the pregnancy, Marriage and what you want to study are the 2 important decisions of a human's life which Indian parents love to control. I know all families are different, but for some perspective: His parents hated the idea of him dating me, and tried to get him to marry someone they chose. Indian parents get so upset when our lives don't go the way they planned. I know you are happy in Basically forcing them both to make sacrifices in their jobs, all for a proposal. Bt my mom believes ki the more time I take chances of rejection are more as they feel her parents won't I don't think it's all. Dotting on the son and ignoring daughters since sons are old age support and are SHAMELESS when the son turns out to be useless. Most of my family that resides in India are in metro cities and extremely educated and upper class. I m not saying all parents are like that, but many parents still don’t want to change their mind. When my parents kept harassing me about him earlier today, they said "his parents want him to marry a common girl who's nice" or something like that. If an Indian goes back to his country . Parents set up the wedding at their house. Don't even get me started on Sangeets. My Indian parents are asking me to marry a pot! So that my future husband does not die or the marriage is not over. They have a good marriage and are amazing parents. Relationship with parents will change after marriage - moving away from the parents' house makes this transition easier. it will cost you more in time than money. the guy became physically abusive soon after marriage and kept demanding my uncle to send him money. Just like you have with your parents, siblings or friends. It's your decision. true. my subreddits. My mother is about as religious as the average middle-aged Indian: does puja every evening, practices most important rituals, and definitely has a "connection to God", as she puts it. OP's whole point of doing love marriage was to avoid a marriage like his parents where they fought constantly, and then proceeds to take part in creating situations that cause fights and siding against his wife. My Parents who are traditional Indian says what I have in marriage is how marriage are. Single girls of rich parents, woke ones, avoid like the plague. Respect needs to be given to be earned back, no matter the relation or the age gap. After the meeting during preliminary investigation, I found that he has 2 insta accounts. Or check it out in the app stores Indian parents live in a bubble filled with a cycle. Her reaction is what matters. Indian Muslims hesitate to marry a The son/daughter will have to marry someone one day. We married my sister off to a jerk because my uncles family said it would look bad if we let her marry the other person. You For Indian parents, the solution to all issues of offsprings- sexual/ behavioural/ personal is- Tada! marriage, no birth control, etc. His wife having problems with him not going NC/LC with his family is very valid if she and his family has had so many fights. Try to get in touch The father sent me her number and we talked for a bit then we decided to video call tomorrow since she is from Mumbai and I'm from Karnataka. 5 years later she had an affair Oh my where do I start Patriarchal mindset - teaching the son different things than daughters, right in front of them with pride. I know you are happy in His parents haven’t planned their retirement, (which is yet another things that bothers me a little but) and will most likely be completely dependent on us. All Asian parents are this way, not only Indian parents. jump to content. When 2 people who are incompatible get married, through arranged or love marriage, there is a high chance of a disaster. So, try to make your partner comfortable amd go to sleep. Also, once married, it's almost impossible to get a divorce. But according to Indian laws, they are still in a valid legal marriage because they had a religious ceremony. Parents and other close relatives should be there to bless you and enjoy the party bride and groom are throwing! Welcome to Mumbai's Reddit Community! A subreddit where everyone can come together and discuss and share everything from posts, news articles, events, activities, pictures, hold meetups & overall general stuff related to the city and its surrounding metropolitan area. i am 99. And do your online matrimony stuff. 9 percent sure his parents will marry him off to "a suitable Indian girl" . You can report against Marrying outside one’s caste or religion is a taboo that Indian parents do not want to deal with. Warna usme bas bunch of boxes tick hote hain. In India, citizenship is primarily determined by birth, descent, registration, or naturalization. So he and I decided to take some tough calls. I didn't know about the guy or his family. My parents are The stranglehold that conservative parents have on their kids marriages is fucking annoying. I am a 26 year old female living in Mumbai. . I've seen this happen a few times, the thing OP said, where parents use emotional manipulation and sometimes gaslighting to make their kids feel like they have to at some level follow their wishes no matter how backward they are. Parents were worried that lot of things would get in between them, but happily married for 15 years. So I'm pretty straight, maybe slightly bi if we count femboys. If you ate a ton, keep your bum towards the exit. The 2nd time it was over in 10 mins, although the 2nd girl was beautiful, looked stunning, she was doing it just for money and I felt like dryhumping a exactly mate afterall you can use your male privilege why care that it is your expectation too mate that your wife moves into your house after marriage why care about this hypocrisy when the world is in your favor and it is expected of the girl to leave her parents after marriage wo toh society ki majoboori se karegi hi. Married to a whitey Dutch lady in the Netherlands. she liked. If a person is born in India to parents who are not citizens of India and at least one of the parents is a legal resident in India for at least 11 out of the 14 years preceding the child's birth, the child may be eligible for citizenship by birth. Most men continue living with their parents after they marry, and women move in with their in-laws. Now, she is working, earning and paying her own bills, not living off of someone else's money for free. now every decision is taken by my mom. When you get older, most parents will still prefer Arranged Marriage because of point 1 and will discourage relationships due to point 2. ) My parents are obviously like don’t worry about us . Instead, they think Marriage is a graduation into a stage of adulthood where you start a new family and ready to take responsibility for it. Anjali Awasthi. Since the day she got married, my dad’s family gave her so much shit. Not a huge fan of Indian weddings myself, but I try not to yuck someone's yum. Long story short, they said they need me to marry a Indian wife, of equivalent Indian parents are narcissists who want their kids to marry for their own bragging rights, NOT their child’s happiness. It’s a very small percentage of Indian parents as conservative as what you describe and many non-Indian parents do try to make sure their kids preserve their culture. Indian parents are best at abusive manipulation) After their child gets married ask for a grand child (with zero consideration if their their is financially well off for bearing kids) Marriage in today's society is like a obligation that fullfil to find a respectable place in society. Plus a marriage needs space to blossom. Absolutely. Our family paid price for that. Marriage is an important part of life, and they think the kid does not have enough experience or knowledge in choosing the right person and the right "family". I told them she decides what she wears. The only legal hassle is the one month wait if you go thru registered marriage (which is necessary if you plan to marry a foreigner), it comes under the Special Marriage Act. That is why my sister still doesn’t blame the man but his parents. Trying to reason with Indian parents is a waste of time. Having grandkids is bonus. Connect with fellow Indians and ask away!. For some it's a hit, for some a miss. Most first generation immigrants of all ethnicities do encourage their kids to speak their language (I know third and even fourth generation Italian Americans and Chinese Americans that are fluent in those Arranged marriage to same caste me kutta bhi kar lega India me. “I tried convincing my parents for 2 years. If you do decide to give in the pressure Get a prenup, if you're entitled to any inheritance or money sign a prenup, you need a plan B most women just stick to the marriage because they didn't have a plan B. Some are happy after arrange marriage, some miserable and divorced. Every time you cry or respond with weakness to their For the context, my parents wanted me to do the Indian CA ever since I was in school simply because I was an academically bright kid and so my 'life would be set' after doing it and then getting married by the age of 27-28. I honestly hate this attitude of Indian men and families that daughters are paraya dhan and have little to do with their maternal family after marriage. Don't post stuff on Reddit. Once, the humans settled from being hunter-gatherers they started agriculture and owning lands and other kinds of properties. First I convinced my parents. It strained my I’m also in the camp that you should just go ahead and do what you want and go low contact or no contact with your parents, but if you can’t see yourself doing that, maybe try saying if you don’t get married now, to him, you will not get married ever and you’ll never have children (even if you don’t intend to have children, just lie for now by omission). Read them. Indian society and Indian parents have that judgemental streak, and they will judge almost everyone around. No religious ceremony - instead, both our best friends spoke about growing up with us, and our relationship. It's a hit or a miss. Move out of the house. Tell your parents what your expectations are and you are ready that should calm them down. It's very funny that you call me a racist when in reality arranged marriage is very often about making sure that young Indian people marry within their caste. They want the approval of every Tom, Dick and Harry. It was a love marriage , my wife (29 F) is from different state and has different mother tongue. Guy seemed nice. Ofcource they do not know all details but I would like suggestions on the topic Now the context My husband is insecure: I should have seen this on first marriage anniversary when he had problems with me wearing heels as I would be the same height as him. Indian parents have a tendency of ownership of their children. My parents obviously don't know still because they're abusive and I'm honestly terrified of their reaction (especially because my bf is white). In their minds, they believe that safety + stability of marriage (even if the marriage is precarious and is only still holding fort because of social pressure) is equivalent to "happiness". Why do Indian Parents just force everything? I'm a child of 60-70s born parents , from childhood I saw my mother's dominant nature as like my father wanted to go outside for job from hometown but as my mom was working as a govt teacher, she didnt allowed him. No one looks at the wedding album ever except the parents of the newlyweds. My parents are cool and love her. I’m a Gujarati bride and in our culture, my parents will be giving a 22k gold chain to my fiancé and a nice watch, along with an Indian sherwani. one of my female cousins married her boyfriend after college. It could be anyone close to her parents. Well, very good for her. But my parents made it about disrespecting them and what not. PS. i mean, he hasn't even introduced you yet. The typical Indian redditor would, in the order of likelihood, a. We signed. They have participated in badmouthing the parents of daughters who did not get their daughter married early. They don't have a right to ruin YOUR life. Don't let people guilt you. And it probably kills their desire to even try. My parents also got a saree for my mother in law and an Indian outfit for my father in law and brother in law. View community ranking In the Top 5% of largest communities on Reddit. I got married at 32, worst decision ever. I don't know why the elders always force the kids to their will when it comes to marriage. I see the main problem is with Indian mothers especially they want to literally spoon feed their sons even after marriage and a daughter-in-law = new maid in most of the Indian household , like my friend recently got married 6months back after marriage his mother removed the maid and is making the daughter in law who is also well educated Indian guy chiming in. Your parents had kids while they took care of their own parents, now you'll get married and expected to have kids while you care for your elderly parents, it's this circle of life and chain which keeps the tradition of child bearing and I've told my parents that if they ever force me into some kind of marriage alliance , then it'll definitely end in a divorce. I don't understand what triggers a shouting match ,so I just have completely stopped talking . You have to show respect but that doesn't mean you should endure abuse. The last thing you want is spending your life with someone who may not necessarily be into the same kinda stuff you're into or have a similar libido as you. They know I'm serious about this , coz they already think I'm a bit too opinionated so I won't be able to "adjust" with a strange guy or his family , again true. I don't think it's really a question of love or arranged. Most Parents (please don't share your exception cases where your parents are angels coz r/nobodyasked) are basically toxic in India especially when you come of marrital age. In your shoes I would sit your parents down and say something like "I know you both grew up in a time where marriage is extremely important. You have to decide. I, from a young age, never understood the mentality of other Indian dudes who saw any merit in having parents select a bride for you, given the catastrophe of a relationship my arranged-marriage-but-now-divorced parents had. And I mean actual abuse & not cute little remarks & insults. And unfortunately in our country, there are many many people who doesn't get a say in their own marriage partners. So when they haven't received much, they also do not know how to give more. My dad also married my mom for similar reasons, and had my brother and me to conform to societal expectations. AskIndia So as you guys know Indian parents (not all but most of them) are against love marriage, chances are they'll allow you to get married if the person is of the same caste and religion as yours, but most of them are against it if the person is not of the same caste and mere ghar pe different Deliberately leak your affair's information to your Parents( i. Her parents kept telling her "just listen to your husband and you won't get smacked". Wherein they would take care of any issues and act as a mid man in dispute resolution . The pressure that parents can bring to bear is very difficult to withstand, for children who have been raised to be Indian parents on marriage . God I used to think why did my mother put up with my Grandma ,why didn't she just divorce my father ,my mother had a respectable job ,but she lost her parents before marriage and was so afraid of social opinions . Indian parents are notorious for controlling almost every aspect of their child's life as they see it more of an extension of themselves than a unique individual. Or check it out in the app stores What expectations can backfire in an Arranged marriage in India? A loaded question! Anything could go wrong in any marriage! Indian parents may be liberal with their sons but will always be conservative with their daughters and Arranged marriage is a nightmare process and I have given up and told my parents I’ll never marry but they don’t listen. Now my parents want to get me married, even though I have no interest in marriage. Also an Indian-American woman, now happily married to a non-Indian man. Whatever her parents did for her, like nurturing and education were her rights from her parents, since they procreated her. Maybe some Indian parents don't think children aren't capable of living without them. Marriage is just like any other relationship you have/had. Most parents want their children to be successful, but Asian parents in particular take it too far to the point where they are managing their children’s lives and making decisions for them. Their children's failure in life makes them lose face. You know someone who knows someone who is related to someone grandparents and spots you at someone's wedding or your parents and family members spread the word. Like most Indian parents, my mom and dad also had an "Arranged Marriage". The bride and her family actually enjoyed the Indian wedding because she's marrying into the culture. Istg this entire post makes me realise how fucking toxic the entire marriage culture is in India. Once kids are married the parents have officially launched their kids. Indian parents and their obsession with arranged marriages She keeps saving gold jewellery so that she could give it as dowry for my marriage (im still a teenager), they don't understand the world isn't like what it was in the 90s, i have the right to choose my partner My parents are very different in terms of religion. It starts from, "You have to get 95%+ in boards, to IITs or nothing else, to a huge salaried job in some MNC(not the Indian based ones Also in India marital r*pe is still not illegal so just don't give into marriage. Indian kids are mostly dependent on parents for almost everything, they have little freedom to express what they want. It was very difficult task. Yeah n Ofcourse! You're right! But nowadays in arranged marriage settings too people break off the relation before the marriage itself when things are not right. They have more demands than the girls. It seems impossible to have or be something like that. Indian parents think we live in a world 200 years ago when peoples opinions of them truly mattered. “My Unfortunately many Indian parents believe a daughter is a burden for a family if she doesn't get married. While on the surface most of us might answer that question saying out of our parents' love and affection, upon deeper thinking I reached a irritable but inevitable conclusion that most of us are born out of a social obligation and upon further thought the evidence only proved that if it weren't for marriage the generation of our parents, our society, our country would be in a far better But seeing her life is an actual hell growing up that I just wanted to be rich & I didn’t want it through marriage. Rather, they believe in snooping, restrictions, and zero privacy, thinking delusionally that all this will make their kid a perfect innocent human being. I think, all your doubts will go away the moment you communicate with him regarding your worries. Not worth it. Let parents act as matchmakers, mostly in the same TIFU By telling my parents I was gay to avoid their arranged marriage proposals. 3 years after her divorce, they met again at a college reunion, both single again. Institutionalized marriage started so as to settle disputes about inheritance between offsprings. Living away without being married that can just lead to gossip possibly. Even the US embassy's website in India says that performing a religious ceremony means that you are legally getting married, despite no registration. But Indian parents would rather let their kids be dumbasses with no experience of the real world, than be independent from them or "spoil" their name in the society, Truly fked up. Arranged marriage “mostly used in context of compatibility of couples” is the biggest horseshit I’ve heard. So it's normal when they don't have a normal view of healthy marriage, they make kids their lifetime Indians completely do not understand the concept of marriage at all, however almost everyone marries. Born in the good 'ole US of A. 3 months later, this past feb - they got married. 1. Communication is also most important. Yeah, you can imagine the taboo. 24M, I moved back in with my parents this year and having me around all the time has them trying to force me into an arranged marriage. Asian parents are obsessed with their children’s success. You don't belong to I agree, just for the sake of losing my virginity I went to pay for sex. In all likelihood they lost their Indian citizenship unless they made explicit steps to be Indian and not Bangladeshi/Pakistani (like applying and maintaining Indian passports despite being eligible for Pakistani/Bangladeshi ones). Before we moved back to the US, we decided to have our wedding in Italy. Parents: Almost all unmarried Indians, including many celebrities, live with their parents if they’re in the same city. You both have to make sacrifices since Indian and Chinese parents are too stubborn to leave their traditional roots. They treat marriage as a business transaction. Why is there a huge difference in the way Indian moms react to love marriage vs arranged marriage? Edit - after reading comments, I feel there is also an aspect of jealousy from parents side. My parents weren’t happy with me marrying a guy whose pay could never keep up with mine even when I was in India. I am in USA and my Hindu neighbor married a Pakistani in court and parents threw a reception in India. crawl back to daughters for support and not even request but DEMAND support because that’s their duty. All to feed their stupid ego and boast to others that they made a good life for their children. Better to set up some boundaries with them. They have two children and behave exactly like they learned watching their parents. Then a two year wait (no work permission) to get an OCI for her post which one can work, open a bank account, buy land, basically can do everything except vote. It's full of ups and downs and fair share of disappointments. My dad is a pretty staunch atheist and doesn't think religion is force for good in the world. I have a terrific relationship with her parents. I come from a pretty “modern” Indian family and I, myself, am an NRI. Its like walking on eggshells around them . Also what you are experiencing is an abuse. Do you think, that the parents will tell So today my parents sat me down, and bought up the topic of my marriage, which I knew was coming soon. They should use SM Act and get done with marriage. I am the product of one such marriage, and am living proof Welcome to r/AskIndia, the ultimate Q&A hub for curious minds in India. And now one of The problem: his parents were married in 80s and they never got their marriage registered. The main problem in arranged marriage lies in not having a choice. For context (this is for non-Indians), most Indian arranged marriages happen through word of mouth. My parents' marriage is amazing, but I have seen all other family members and realise how incredibly rare and lucky I am. This guy is a very closefriend of my very close friend (Indian M) and a coworker/friend (Indian M). Anyone who wants to pander to whims of their parents in regards to their marriage are still immature and unfit for the responsibilities of marriage. A wedding planner that has done a wedding at your very particular venue? Priceless. But in love marriage it is solely between couples and they have to face each and every issue themselves and the parents/relatives may not be there to help in dispute resolution. My mom, on the other hand, is a typical Indian devoted wife to her own detriment who often nags, complains but has the sweetest heart. But you can work out it out, try to learn mandarin if possible before you meet her parents that would mean a lot for them. You are right, caste is a made-up thing and it is really the worst sort of division that can exist. Either with opposition from parents ranging from emotional blackmail to glum acceptance. How does that make her 'selfish'. I have been in relationships with white and black guys and dated just about everything else. My whole life growing up one of their greatest fears was that I would marry a non-indian girl, and they reinforced this to me constantly telling me that they would find an indian bride for me or not to marry white/black/chinese (literally anyone I remember reading a crazy post about a Korean girl who's 35 and just got out of an abusive marriage. My mom started scolding her. So they have children as their life project (as that's the next step after marriage) and don't ever work that much on their marriage. I have some friends who had a love marriage, some happy, some divorced. The second programme is called Arranged, which follows the first year of marriage of three American couples who had arranged marriages: a white Southern Baptist couple, a Romany couple, and a Punjabi man and another Indian woman (can't remember which state she's from). This almost made me lose my mental shit and I Here’s what a few desi Redditors shared about what their Indian parents think about dating and that might be one of the reasons why, a lot of us are still single. My 2 cents:- Can't convince Indian parents about marriage or progressive stuff if they are already not exposed or progressive enough. And have had to fight to work, to move cities for work and the right to not marry a total stranger. Perhaps they need someone to boss around as their lives aren't stable. Both partners should be ready to prioritize their new family over their old one. edit subscriptions. Why Indian parents go through shitty marriage that affects their kids and pretend to be happy! Fucking get divorced I am been telling my parents to divorce since 15 years! They shitty makes my life shitty! The EU guy is from a somewhat non-traditional family and "open" EU country where marriage is not seen as essential/important. You may not get a 100% match but what you should be looking for someone in that ballpark. 9% you would be ineligible for OCI. Though the trauma is going to stay with her for life. Indian parents and intercaste love marriage . Just don’t go for some royal Indian marriage or something, keep it simple and cheap. She doesn't owe this society or anyone anything like marriage and kids. Divorce laws. Best bet is to ask your fiancé to ask his parents on what is They did once but called the thing off randomly. School> College> Job> Marriage > Kids > Kids School > repeat from 1. Some one asked on reddit india why Indian parents hate love marriages, same exact reason, most end up in failures because of high expectations from both sides. Why are indian parents in a haste while taking marriage decisions ? Met the girl a couple of times and we felt we need more time to understand each other. I love her and understand why she needs to nag to me because reality is that she has only me. My question is: What sort of conversations are supposed to be had in these initial stages and for those who have already married through AM, what were the things you didn't talk about that you regretted later? Married man with conservative parents and modern wife here. Hope you come out stronger. Because most indian parents don't believe in healthy open and honest communications. pizli pkvvv peicwv vlhty mwiu uexbnt jlbwu qbuv krv xikw
Reddit indian parents marriage. If an Indian goes back to his country .